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It's been quite a while again. Fell into a little bit of a depression. July has some bad memories for me.

I wasn't sleeping very well, about 3-4 hours a night, so I gave myself a little trip to cheer myself up and get some sleep. Didn't work. The trip was nice, a fan convention in Vegas (got my picture taken with Kevin Sorbo, he's a real sweetie) but the hotel sucked.

A bit about my Vegas trip I didn't stay on the strip, the place was next to the convention center, and it wasn't a casino cause I wasn't interested in gambling. I just wanted to go to the convention, get my autographs, and rest. There was a big Herbalife convention going on and apparently the party animals of the group were in the room next door to mine. The first night, regardless of the fact that I and several other people called security to complain (I know because security came to the room four times) they didn't quiet down until 2:30 in the morning.

The other two nights weren't quite as bad, but anytime I was in bed (and where else are you going to sleep?)I could hear them talking in the room. Just normal talking, not raised voices. I could understand everything they were saying, almost as if I was in the same room. And these two guys didn't shut up until at least 2 or 3. Thank god nobody was having sex in there or I would have heard that too. The last night I was there I went to bed around 10 and had my alarm set for 4:30 since I had to be at the airport by 6. I might as well not even bothered. The guys came back to the room around midnight and all hopes of any more sleep were over. At 2 I heard the one guy on the phone saying, "Of course we're still up, nobody sleeps in Vegas." At three he called someone else and said, "Sure, come on over, us vampires never go to bed until the sun comes up."

On my way to the airport the taxi driver asked how I had liked the hotel, and I told him the problems I had had. He frowned a bit and said, "That is strange. The vampires usually stay at Circus Circus." It made me laugh and put me in a little better mood, but I was more tired than when I got there. I basically paid $120 a night to listen to someone else have a good time.

Did do a little shopping, and a little gambling. Gambled about a $100 altogether, won some/lost some. Ended up with $30 that I spent on a couple of nice t-shirts. Got one at the Excaliber with a beautiful phoenix on the front. The one I bought at the MGM Grand has a lion lounging and underneath is the saying 'Here human, human, human'. Got that for my hubby and he loves it.

First of July was one important milestone for me. One year since my last period. I'm officially in menopause. YEAH!!!!!!!!

No hot flashes, no night sweats. Wicked mood swings though. I'm pretty sure that's where the depression is coming from. Some days it's just an effort to get out of bed. And my writing has suffered. The ideas are there, they are cramming my thoughts, I just don't seem to have the patience to sit down and type. Work may have a bit to do with that. I've been handling things pretty much on my own with the other girl out on maternity leave and there just aren't enough hours in the day. She was suspposed to be back today, but I wasn't there so I don't know.

There is something else, something I've been avoiding and I need to get it down. My half-brother, Andrew, had a stroke and died last week. He was 63 years old.

We haven't been close for quite some time, in fact I don't remember the last time I saw him. Every time I was back there for a visit I'd call, but he was busy and we never got together. In the past few years I've heard things from my Mom, and to tell the truth, he had become a jerk. He drank (although the Dr told him to stop), he smoked (ditto), He didn't take his blood pressure medication (I don't need it, I feel fine), he didn't pay attention to his diet (I can eat whatever I want) and he cheated on his wife, Barb. But I didn't see those things because I had moved to Arizona and he still lived in Indiana. So even though he had become a jerk, he was my jerk, my big brother, and all I can think about is how I idolized him when I was little. I didn't have the money to go back for the funeral, but maybe that was for the best, I can remember him as he was.

My best memories are when Jim (my husband) and I still lived back there. Every Saturday night was spent at Andy's house playing cards. We'd play for hours, laughing and talking. The only drinking done was Pepsi (Andy worked for the local distributor then) and none of us smoked.

When he was in the 10th grade he was on the football team and made a touchdown one week. There was a little snippet in the newspaper about the game and his name was mentioned. He always had that article in his billfold. When it started to disintegrate he had it laminated.

I was 12 when he and Barb got married, and I didn't have much of an allowance. Andy really liked dogs and I bought them this stupid dog nick-knack that had a bobbing head for a wedding present. We have movies of the reception and they show that dumb dog. Every time the head would stop bobbing, Andy would reach over and tap it and smile. The last time I was at his house, that dumb dog was still on a shelf in the living room. That was my brother.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
wide_rider
Aug. 21st, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
Welcome back! You've been missed!

::hugs::
gilesbabe
Aug. 22nd, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
Thanks, and ice is a very good idea.
antennapedia
Aug. 21st, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC)
*sympathies*

That was a lovely tribute to your big brother.
gilesbabe
Aug. 22nd, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
Thank you.
tx_cronopio
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:07 pm (UTC)
What a lovely tribute to your brother. You made me cry, dammit!

I had seven months, then a relapse, but I'm approaching official M as well. I can't wait!
gilesbabe
Aug. 22nd, 2006 01:18 am (UTC)
I had a relapse at 10 months and two weeks. I was so frustrated.

Sorry you cried. Like I said, these last few years he was a jerk, but he was my jerk.

Brothers, nothing but trouble.
supermom20
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear about your brother. *hugs*

Also, someone is looking for your fic 'Love Bites'. Do you have it archived somewhere?
gilesbabe
Aug. 22nd, 2006 01:20 am (UTC)
Thank you for the hug.


Love Bites. Hummm. Only place that I remember posting that to was the old Buffy/Giles. I still need to finish the last chapter, if I can find the disk it's on.
ladyrowansplace
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss, Brothers are special, aren't they? And they always stay that way. no matter what grief they put us thru.

Prayers for him and you.
gilesbabe
Aug. 22nd, 2006 01:21 am (UTC)
They sure do.

Thank you for your prayers.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )